I'm not sure if i'm losing in the game of love or giving up to easily. Maybe I'm making the perfect decision. But if I am, why is there such a longing? My intuition sucks right now. Wow, I apologize. Couldn't sound more like an emotion girl at this point. I've earned each and every letter of it though. It was nothing but something at the same time.
and now, its over.
(i think)
I think the most frustrating part of this whole experience is that even amidst the parting ways; i'm still smiling because once again it was a catalyst for GREAT change in my life. I was running on fumes, on the brink of cycling and not recognizing any of the symptoms. Basically, an epic fail on my part. I conquered the challenge after a few days of intense "me-focused" activities. Most did include cleaning my apartment of some sort but when you're attempting to break cycle- one is likely to try anything. I'm getting better now, finding new creative outlets and making new long term goals.
As much as I focus on the wonderful people and things that are going on right now; when I walk it is with a heavy heart, saddened eyes and a longing for the conversation back. I know it wont happen. I know it can't happen, but there's still a small part of me that wishes it was different.
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