I couldnt take looking at the word Anthony every time I pulled up my blog. So, basically out of thin air I'm going to come up with some sort of substantial thought.
Single. I've never heard of such a simple word having so much hate for it. As a 23 year old, female, recent college grad, I'm starting to become the outlier in life. Everyone seems to be having kids, getting married, getting engaged, living together, serious relationship. Hell, it seems like everyone my age and around me is at LEAST dating. Is there some huge magic flashing sign that is screaming "HEY! LOOK OVER HERE FOR LOVE" and i'm just oblivious?
god, I'd hope not. I think one of the only things that has kept me going over the recent years is looking at my two older sisters. Both of whom found their husband or serious boyfriend at an older age than I am now. And really, would I want to get married right now? Ah, probably not.
I simply hold out hope that someday "it will all get better" and I will find the guy I never expected. Who startles me and turns my world upside down. Someone who I can love with all my heart, feel open to give everything knowing they would always be there, the lazy mornings, and the adventurous days. Never knowing what was coming, but having you beside me; in an instant i've lost every care in the world. I know that I could trust you, you would want what was best for me. While I was thinking, doing, and saying the exact same things.
Its this connection that I cant explain, you just seem to get better. Better in every sense of its meaning. You learn, you grow, smile, laugh, and even in the loudest, most chaotic, emotional, and angry moments; they are still a person that you could never imagine spending any time away from.
Yep, thats love. I'm entwined in a hopeless romantic version. I sit and wait for the one who will stick around.
When your a woman who has never had a stable, lasting, supportive bond with family or friends. The idea of someone staying is almost unimaginable. I consider myself lucky that I have felt it a few times over the years. I do know what love feels like.But presently, I'm in a cycle of having every one leave after a period of time.
Maybe its a curse, I sometimes think. Then laugh quietly because I remind myself that it is just life and a sequence of events that most I cant control. Smartie pants that I am, managed to figure out how to get by in the sucky life. You cant control, oh, about 90% of what goes on in the world. It's the inevitable. Dont fight, it gets you no-where. The solution is easy. You have your 10% to work with! It may not seem like a lot, but you could fuck a lot a shit up with 10% of your world.
I would never condone really poor judgement calls or life choices. Although my book of morals and values is slightly tilted. There's an exponentially LARGER amount of stuff to change if you do GOOD/NICE/KIND things. I swear, its true. Karma can be quite kind at times.
Point is, you change the things you can. So that the outcome of whatever situation, decision, choice (etc) is either A) your # 1 option B) not your choice, but it does favor you C) or in general, something that you could live with doing, not regret, not feel bad about the choice, and you wouldnt look back.
That is how you make the best of a Shit-filled world. This may seem like a strange balance. But I am probably one of the most selfish-givers around. I am 100% when saying that my best interest is by far the number one thing that I think about in ANY situation. Some may call me selfish. I call it being smart, knowing that I can provide for myself. I can take care of things without having to depend on anyone else, I have more life skills now than some will see in their life. So sure, call me selfish. Then call me again when you need help with something.
The Yang to my Yin is being a giver. In my world friends > family. So if I ever hear of someone in pain, sad, needing to talk, needing to get away, needing a project done, needing car help. Basically, needing anything. If I can help, I will. Without question or hesitation. You cant expect to get by in the world without a little help every once and again. I think as a culture and society we have forgotten that if no one GIVES it then no one can GET it in return. Simple concept, totally oblivious to the population.
I could list off hundreds of things that I've done, said, paid for, etc.. for people in my life. I'd rather no one ever know. I have no problem picking up the whole dinner bill. Its friends, a special treat for everyone else. It's done for me, why not pass it along. or, Pay it Forward. If I choose to be cliche.
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