i've always been the girl that does crazy things and while most of the time i end up getting hurt from it. Every once in a while it pays off. i'm excited to say that i'm approaching one of those moments when its paid off big.
ever since i was little, i always knew that I was going to get married to a great guy and everything would be okay. Crazy huh? After all the tribulations that i've gone through in my life. I would actually find this love. Now I can finally say that I did.
There is only one other written record of this guy. Even though we've known each other since 2005. He's been my secret, kept from every person in my life. Some family and friends have heard about him, but no one has actually met him. And I've liked it that way. Our connection was free from all the other drama and stressors of my life. It began as a friendship, a person I could talk to at almost any hour of the day about anything. I remember nights during my freshman year of college that I would be in the kitchen, crying on the phone with matt on the other side. He could always make me smile or laugh. No matter how bad things seemed at times. The only challenge was that we never saw each other, probably a maximum of 3 hours at one time. I didn't even notice the distance though. It was difficult to not have that person by your side, hugs, kisses, waking up next to them. But Matt made me still feel that, even when we were hundreds of miles away from each other. We were never exclusive, having a relationship wasn't right for us at that time. After college, thats what he always said. We had our ups and down, we had a honeymoon trip picked out at one point. But that was the joking phase of us. He was my husband, I was his wife. We started saying I love you almost three years ago. I've never once had any doubt that he didn't mean it. I was in love with him, I've been in love with him this whole time.
So now, it's after college. Now what? I always wondered what would ever come of us. I'm always the person to say that life can always change and things can always happen. Trying to protect myself from getting let down or hurt. Then there's Matt. I know he's going to be there, forever. When you pretend something for this long, it can be a little scary when it becomes reality. Is this what I really want? Am I really going to do this? I did the best thing I knew how to answer the questions I had. I slept on it. I slept the whole day away, contemplating what kind of love made me the happiest. Who made me happiest? Is there someone else out there thats better for me?
No. There's not. It's Matt, always has been. always will be.
what now? we go on. visiting each other for the next 6 months until he's only 4 hours away. In that time, I'll have a boyfriend and then fiance. Guess I was meant to find love.
No comments:
Post a Comment